Tragisterical

Morford hits the GTA San Andreas absurdity square on the head:

. . . there you are, eyes bloodshot and fingers sore and synapses raw and butt prematurely widening, cranking along on your 117th hour of the insanely popular GTASA, and you're bustin' heads and makin' drug deals and swipin' cars and gangbangin' and stuff is blowin' up all around.

And there's tons of guns and bazookas and knives and disposable chicks and viciously corrupt cops and piles of blatant racism and drive-by shootings and pipe beatings and low-rider cars with massive silly chrome rims, and you can veritably feel the imminent heroin overdoses and taste the toxic prison food these thug characters will soon enjoy, and it's just all manner of bitchin' video-game glory of sufficient quality to numb your teenage soul to the point where you become so callous and lost and malicious, you're ready to join the Young Republicans when WHOA, what the hell is this?

Suddenly that downloadable patch you installed last night kicks in and there's, like, a lame and badly animated sex scene, right there, right between the graphic bloody part where you bazooka'd the police helicopter and the part where the gangbanger gets his lame ass beaten with a large handgun, and suddenly you're like, what the hell? Who stuck this lame, badly animated sex in here? Where'd my soul-numbing ultraviolent racism go? I am outraged.

No comments: